Solving problems is about having respect for one another.
The first step is prevention. Letting go of the trivial matters that don't really matter. Also something else to work towards in preventing, is to have marital councils where you discuss what is going on and any concerns that are going on in order to nip them before they become worse.
Eliminate destructive interaction patterns: Gottman discusses the four horsemen of contempt (name-calling, eye-rolling), criticism (attack on on's personality), defensiveness (not taking responsibility for change), and stonewalling (unwillingness to discuss or withdrawal from an issue).
Calm yourself first: Being calm before discussing an issue is better then being upset.
Bring up the concern softly, gently, and privately: This is where using I statements come in and not being condenceding is important too.
Learn to make and receive repair attempts:When one or the other apologizes accept it.
soothe yourself and each other: If you feel overwhelmed, breath calm back down.
Reach a consensus about a solution: Make sure together you agree on what the solution is.
Successful Marriages and Families Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives Alan J Hawkins et al Chapter 3 pg 33-34
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