Someday

Someday Tim and I will be able to take an actual vacation! I so wish that was soon. We haven't really been on a vacation since our honeymoon.

Yes we have gone to see family a lot but that's not really a vacation. It's fun and exciting but we want to go do something just us. Be able to plan what we want to do and not have anyone tell us sorry that's not happening.

Although this might actually happen next summer but we will see, Elizabeth and Joe have invited us to go with them to Disneyland. Yes we won't be by ourselves but, if we want to do something that they don't they won't care. :) All of this depends on schooling for Tim.

Also someday I look forward to having a house. Tim will finally be done with school and we'll be able to get a house and have space for all of our stuff. We have a lot of stuff, but are slowly getting rid of anything that we really don't need! It feels so nice too do and I have enjoyed it immensely.

Someday I'll be able to work out and not feel like I'm going to pass out while doing it. I'm working hard to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day 5 days a week. Thus far it's paying off. The thing that finally has motivated me to do this, is making a goal and having Tim know this goal and holding me to it. We first started with a 2 week goal and once that was obtained I could buy a craft item that I was wanting/needing. We're now onto a month goal. Being that things are tight with money most days I usually have to beg to get a craft of some sort. Now it makes working out more worth it. Losing some inches feels great and I hope I continue to loose those extra inches so that I can look and feel better.

Someday I'll be able to enjoy time around family members without feeling like I'm constantly being judge and am not good enough. Some of this I'm sure stems from my own problems of  self-worth. But a lot comes from other things that those who know me well know what I'm talking about. I have decided to take the advice of my mom and focus on one thing I like about certain family members and go from there. Maybe one day Tim and I will be living close to these family members that I can spend lots of time with them and actually feel like I'm part of the family. Some people have told me that I'm stupid for having these feelings, those people don't understand/know half the reasons I have these feelings. I'm working hard to feel welcomed and loved by all my family members. But at one point you have to put up a wall in order to protect yourself from getting hurt anymore, and that's what I had to do and I'm slowly working on tearing that wall down. This wall has made me distant and have a hard time feeling loved and supported by lots of people in my life. The only person I know that loves me without fail (not including Christ) besides Kenneth, is Tim, because he chose to be with me even when he could have left.